My Brother Became Dependent On Online Walkthroughs

Once, when I was little

Sun, 12 May 2013 12:51:00 -0400

There are questions you find after you have the answers. What is the best one-two successive combination of songs on an album that aren’t the first or last songs? I’m listening to Built to Spill’s There’s Nothing Wrong With Love and for me, right now, that question’s answer is “Big Dipper” and then “Car”. Midnight drives home over the West Seattle Bridge, up 35th with the street lights spilling down the hill in the rain. Those songs remind me of home. Of night love. Of laughing with windows open, alone on the street.

I am halfway through Chloe Caldwell’s collection of essays called Legs Get Led Astray put out by Future Tense. I say Chloe read at bookthugnation in a Williamsburg I’m sure she said something about it being way different than when she lived there before. She read “That Was Called Love” and I fell a little bit in love with her that night. The story finishes on a fire escape, but in Seattle, Chloe on the phone with her New York life living outside her but not without her. I was going to try and talk to her about Seattle, but then my friends left and she had a lot of her New York friends around her and why would she want to talk to me. I am reading her stories now in the morning, listening to Built to Spill and these essays, fuck. They’re here. Read them:

“But. This was life. And I preferred hurt to ignorance. And it definitely hurt like a smack in the face to see my mother’s annoyances with me and her hardships and unhappiness. But it also made me feel less alone. And I simply loved the words. I saw beauty in them. I saw beauty in truth. Truthful words moved me. Choked me up. I cried each time I read a new entry. In my gut I always knew I wanted to be a writer. But sometimes it takes people along time to admit the truest things about themselves.”

Chloe Caldwell and Elizabeth Ellen went on a book tour together. If I were to pair two books right now, I would pair Legs Get Led Astray and Fast Machine.

I want to see movies of my dreams.

There is a Excel spreadsheet somewhere in my computer that lists every story in Fast Machine (Short Flight/Long Drive), and then in the following columns, different aspects or classifiable elements: age of narrator, age of other characters, animals (?), themes, locations, happy/sad (?), types of sex, etc. See, I wanted to do a book report, but instead make different mix-tapes using 15-20 stories. See, I sent a message to Hobart promising that I’d write a review if they sent me a copy. I never wrote that review. Until now, kind of, maybe. See, when I read Elizabeth Ellen for the first time, it wasn’t really my first time. She came out with a chapbook on Future Tense called Before You She Was A Pit Bull. Many of the stories in the chapbook are in the big book. I was rereading a part of my life when I was happy, ensconced in a Seattle forbidden to me previously but now/then open and bleeding like warm concrete in summer. Elizabeth’s stories dance with each other. I was reminded of William Gay and Sugarbaby. My idea of making mix-tapes of the stories was almost more for me to figure out who these people were. Like Chloe, like herself, Elizabeth writes truths.

“Adam would say this was what I sought out: the uncertainty of the situation. I had a hard-on for it. Also it kept me from facing long-term goals, like writing a novel (or getting married). My focus was much more myopic. It was one-day-at-a-time mentality. It was at-9 o’clock-when-my-daughter-goes-to-bed-I’ll-drink-and-smoke-and-listen-to-sad-songs-on-my-iPod-in-the-basement-until-I-passout mentality. It was ever-happy-person-is-the-same-and-boring-and-every-miserable-person-is-miserable-in-an-interesting-way logic. (Except miserable people are boring, too).

Bottoms up and this time/ Won’t you let me be?

I didn’t finish Fast Machine twice. Too many notes. Life. The Atlantic Ocean getting inside my computer. But I would. Especially after reading Chloe. Because sometimes two separate things vibrate harder when they’re next to each other.

“A small truth in all of this is that I’ve always wanted someone to invade my privacy. I guess that’s another essay in itself—one that I am not sure I’m capable of writing yet. I am sorry, Lover, and sorry, Mother, for ruining our trust and straining our relationships.
I can accept that all I’ve ever wanted is not very special—all I’ve ever wanted, liked most people, is proof of love.”

Newest member Chris just donated a ton of books including Blake...

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 15:53:21 -0500

Newest member Chris just donated a ton of books including Blake Butler’s SKYSAW. Chris is checking out SFAA by Tao. Happy reading.

mellowpageslibrary: Look who came and wrote...

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 13:20:02 -0500

mellowpageslibrary:

Look who came and wrote HELLO

http://www.thelmagazine.com/newyork/mellow-pages/Slideshow?slide=6&oid=2299344

YEYEYEYE

Recipe for morning tears: 1x Hangover ~130x secs of...

Sun, 03 Mar 2013 12:24:36 -0500

Recipe for morning tears:

1x Hangover

~130x secs of “Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh” by Bright Eyes

1x “Baby of air” poem by Dorothea Lasky in Thunderbird

COME CHECK OUT BOOKS ARE START CRYING LIKE US!!!

mellowpageslibrary: Gracious man named Spencer just donated 180...

Sat, 02 Mar 2013 22:49:34 -0500

mellowpageslibrary:

Gracious man named Spencer just donated 180 books to Mellow Pages. Thanks dude! Link to his donation on Goodreads: http://bit.ly/XOyCBr

OHHHHHHYEAH, macho man randy savage voice

mellowpageslibrary: FIRST LOOK now...

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 23:44:22 -0500

mellowpageslibrary:

FIRST LOOK now look

http://www.timeout.com/newyork/things-to-do/first-look-mellow-pages-library-reading-room-slide-show

sundaydinnernyc: Sadly, Matt Nelson couldn’t make it to Sunday...

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 08:48:11 -0500

sundaydinnernyc:

Sadly, Matt Nelson couldn’t make it to Sunday Dinner, Winter Solstice Theme, this week. BUT! He sent a great video explaining his absence.

Mellow Pages - Facebook

Mellow Pages - Tumblr

Take a tour

mellowpageslibrary: LOOK @ WHAT WE GOT IN THE MAIL. Limited run...

Sat, 23 Feb 2013 10:20:46 -0500

mellowpageslibrary:

LOOK @ WHAT WE GOT IN THE MAIL.

Limited run of Sam Pink’s GERALD MCCLELLAN VS NIGEL BENN

Sweet old copy of THE WHITE PAPER by (?) Jean Cocteau

Thanks for the books Worm Blanket!

GO AND GET YOURSELF A LIBRARY ACCOUNT TO READ THIS BOOK

we are (NEW)S

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 17:38:31 -0500

we are (NEW)S

We Got Some Bushwick Love

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 11:34:19 -0500

We Got Some Bushwick Love:

mellowpageslibrary:

We aren’t lying! WE ARE ALIVE!

over dub “We’re Going to Make it After All” and a smiling Elliott Smith

objecthistoryawareness: . so cool, get it

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 21:46:49 -0500

objecthistoryawareness:

.

so cool, get it

The APRIL Blog: This isn't your elementary school's book fair

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 16:18:57 -0500

The APRIL Blog: This isn't your elementary school's book fair:

aprilfestseattle:

Remember your elementary school’s annual book fair where you’d spend your lunch money on Goosebumps? We certainly do!

We’re excited to announce the almost complete line-up for our grown-up book fair (complete with a fully-stocked bar!) at Richard Hugo House on March 30, from 11 am – 4 pm. There…

Doing it and doing it and doing it well

We made Electric Literature’s Lit List for the week! They...

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 13:03:51 -0500

We made Electric Literature’s Lit List for the week! They love us!

mellowpageslibrary: Eric Nelson in Mellow Pages with his book...

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 11:57:11 -0500

mellowpageslibrary:

Eric Nelson in Mellow Pages with his book ‘The Walt Whitman House’ published by Crumpled Press, which he graciously donated. It’s a great read, come check it out.

Look at that sweetheart. Don’t forget to come Thursday

mellowpageslibrary: FB INVITE ZOMG Guess what guys, we have a...

Sat, 16 Feb 2013 17:13:18 -0500

mellowpageslibrary:

FB INVITE ZOMG

Guess what guys, we have a tumblr. If you would be so kind as to jump ship, that is where most mellow pages info will now be held. Also, come to our event:

http://www.facebook.com/events/492754434117398/

i could donate some copies to the library. email me the address info at wormblanket [at] gmail

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 21:24:23 -0500

that sounds great. i’ll send you an email in a minute here

aprilfestseattle: Happy Valentine’s Day from all of us at...

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 15:42:39 -0500

aprilfestseattle:

Happy Valentine’s Day from all of us at APRIL!

What we’re reading in the photo (from left to right):

Awe by Dorothea Lasky | Willie Fitzgerald, Creative Director

Stories V! by Scott McClanahan | Kellen Braddock, Finance & Development Coordinator

Eat When You Feel Sad by Zachary German | Tara Atkinson, Managing Director

I Love Dick by Chris Kraus | Frances Dinger, Media Relations Coordinator

look at all dos cuties

MELLOW PAGES LIBRARY IS COMING. BE AWARE. BEER=$2donations....

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 12:35:50 -0500

MELLOW PAGES LIBRARY IS COMING. BE AWARE. BEER=$2donations. 2/21/13.

wormblanket: I published Sam Pink’s newest collection of short...

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 10:24:55 -0500

wormblanket:

I published Sam Pink’s newest collection of short stories in a limited edition of fifty copies. Only fifty will be printed. You can read the whole thing on his blog for free. Each book is numbered. It also includes two interviews. One between Sam Pink and James Yeh, previously published by The Faster Times. The other interview is between Sam Pink and Jereme Dean which hasn’t been published/seen before.

It is 134 pages. 5.5 x 8.5. It cost 10 dollars. 12 dollars if you live outside of the US. There is a paypal button on my blog where you can buy it. For everyone that pre-ordered a couple days ago, I will be sending your books out tomorrow. See picture. I have them all ready.

I also have two fucked up preview copies that I can send for free to two random people who reblog this post.

ok

LET THE LIBRARY HAVE IT. MELLOW PAGESESES

We got small press books. We got beer. We open 2/21/13

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:29:47 -0500

We got small press books. We got beer. We open 2/21/13